The challenge of motherhood (or fatherhood) is not the long sleepless nights, the endless nappy changes, the crying, the feeding, the 7th cup of spilt milk or food, the 12 hour days that feels like a week, the childcare fees, toilet training, the speedy crawler or unsteady walker that keeps you from finishing your morning coffee while it's warm....or....when your baby gets their first cold or flu.

These are all challenges, yes, but what makes all of these feel like a mountain of overwhelm is the fact that becoming a parent requires us to get to know ourselves....again or perhaps for the first time. Truly knowing who you are. That is the challenge every single one of us has to face as a new parent.

Why is this such a challenge? Because when the dust has settled, and you're sitting at home with your baby and getting to know this new way of life you might find that the 'old you' is nowhere to be seen. This feels unsettling and even scary.

Your body feels different. Your mind feels different. Your emotions are unsteady, exaggerated and unpredictable. Your outlook on life may also feel foreign. 

The nine months of transformation to bring your baby to the world is not something to bounce back from. It's a stepping stone to the new and unfamiliar path of the self-realisation that will either make you or break you.

You can push through, carry on, and pick yourself up every day and pretend that all is well, that the negative mind chatter isn't bothering you. I know it is though, and I know you need to make some changes.

Here's why. If you don't muster up the courage to claim what is essential for you to feel joy, love, sanity, safe and healthy, you will become a shadow of what you could have been. That's not good, and quite frankly a significant loss to us as a society.

So here's the deal. Don't settle. Take the time to ask yourself some essential questions.

What does it take for you to feel happy? If this feels too big, start small. Right now - what would make you feel happy, right now. Once you know that you can zoom out and look at the bigger perspective.

What are you in real need of, but not getting? Clarify your needs to your self then your loved one(s). You are worthy of having your needs met - and to meet them requires knowing!

What do you feel is suffocating your wellbeing? Are you swimming in tasks, clutter, appointments or unhealthy relationships?

Simplify and adjust as needed. I say simplify because it almost always requires us to simplify before we can achieve more happiness, a balanced temper, better health and an abundance of joy. Remove what doesn't serve you so you can become more emotionally resilient.

Becoming a parent is Big and takes consciousness and grit. If there is ever a time where a human has to go beyond what he or she feels is possible or doable, it's parenting.

So don't dwell on the tediousness of the everyday mundane routine of raising your child. Instead, simplify and restructure everything around it so you can make room for yourself, your personal growth and never forget you are important and you matter. 

So claim your space and take up space. Your hard work, self-care and bravery will have prodigious ripple effects for generations to come. Your child is watching and learning from everything you do - self care and personal growth are as essential as learning to read and write.